This is a topic I’ve gotten to know a little too well lately… but thankfully, I am conscious of my own self sabotaging behaviors, and ready to make a change.
Victimhood is a dangerous place to be, because it can become quite comfortable after a while. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. When you start complaining about not being able to do the things you once loved, watch out… this is the beginning of victimhood. Victimhood is not just about someone doing you wrong and you feeling upset over it, it is about all the subtler ways you self sabotage yourself.
The easiest way to recognize if you’ve entered into victimhood, is if you are finding yourself angry much of the time. If you are angry at this and angry at that, and feeling totally dis-empowered and helpless… you are probably in a state of victimhood. Unfortunately, we do create our realities – whether we like it or not – and that means we have to take responsibility for whatever keeps “showing up” in our lives.
The good news is, the more you meditate and self-reflect, the faster you will find yourself aware of what you need to do to change your state of affairs. Just a quick example: the other day when I was in an uncomfortable situation and wanted to leave, I had another insight drop in that said, “Wait, you can’t control anything in your life – but you. And if you leave here now, you won’t be solving the real issue, and later you will feel like a victim for having to have left because someone else’s presence was making you feel uncomfortable.” So, I stayed. (Granted this was not any kind of unsafe environment, just an irritating one.) Then I proceeded to act as the “observer” of my emotions rather than the “reactor.” As they arose I continued to notice how I felt and continued to do the work that I came there do.
Eventually, I felt empowered by the realization that I don’t have to change my exterior environment, I just have to change my interior environment – my thoughts. And sometimes, your feelings will prompt you to voice your needs – but if they do, then you do! It doesn’t mean you ignore them and leave and feel like a victim. Get it?
If you really want to become “the best version of yourself,” and drop the victim label, then I suggest you stick around whatever environment you find irritating, and take a moment to work through your issues – instead of run from them. You will inevitably learn a lot about yourself and the needs you’ve been repressing instead of expressing.