True forgiveness is freedom from all pain, acceptance of all circumstances, and contentment with what is. Self-compassion leads to compassion for others. Just like self-love leads to unconditional love for others. Forgiveness works the same way… it starts with you and echos out. If you can forgive yourself, you will then be able to forgive others, and a peace will settle over you like mist over a calm sea. It is then you realize that the entire purpose of your life is simply to learn how to forgive.
I once had someone say to me, “I feel like I’ve lost myself since becoming a mother.” There was so much sadness and guilt behind her words, I felt deep compassion for her. I wanted her to see that there was no shame in sacrificing herself for another. In showing up in a way that her entire identity morphed into someone else; into something else. We all go through phases in our lives that bring about personal transformation. And these times, though humbling, are usually commenced by challenges, hard times, and suffering. It’s not something we sign up for, but it’s all a part of the human experience – no one gets a free pass around it – and I believe its purpose is to bring us back to one another; to help us see how we are all connected. Through our pain, our fear, or even our loss of identity, we are able to see ourselves as part of the bigger picture, the grander plan. It is the idea that we are all drops in the same ocean, connected by the same consciousness. There is nothing you have experienced that another has not; in some way, we are all the same.
Yet when we undergo great change and self-transformation, it’s natural to feel like we’re losing ourselves, but in reality, we are just evolving; we’re shedding the old, unused layers of our psyches so we can step into a bigger purpose. A purpose of selflessness and an understanding that we did nothing wrong. We are still on the right track. And no matter what has happened or will happen, the best gift we can offer ourselves during the process, is self-forgiveness.
A Course In Miracles is certainly a book to read if you’d like to deepen your understanding of this concept. Its foundation rests on one goal: to help you learn to forgive. The simplicity behind forgiveness masks its enduring power. I only wish I could break it down for you so succinctly in a short blog, but I suppose the reminder of this truth is sufficient. For if it sparks the remembrance of truth in you, then that is all it needs to do.