A friend recently told this to me and I can’t stop contemplating the depth of its meaning. For I am a planner… perhaps a planner to a fault. I research and prepare and collect all the data. I recite what I will say, draw the outline and even purchase the website, but when it comes time to “put myself out there,” I freeze.
It’s ironic that this happens to be the title for my first blog entry in 3 months. Because I’ve taken a writing hiatus and have not had the motivation to express myself. But now the idea that’s sparked this inspiration has been the idea of how we resist. How we unconsciously resist doing what we know we need to do; how our ego tricks us into distractions and other obligations which really act to detour us from our truth.
Thank God for friends, for our mirrors, and for the times we are willing enough to stand before them, vulnerable, without answers. For what I have found is that it is not in us knowing what to say, but in our speechlessness that causes us to ask the bigger questions of ourselves, which eventually produces our own wellspring of answers.
But first, we have to get to that point of unknowing. We have to sit in that uncomfortable, unfathomable state of “I don’t know.” Then our ego rapidly goes searching for answers, but deep down we realize that everything it’s coming up with is still not our truth… so we continue to sit there, speechless, frustrated, and perhaps a little ashamed of ourselves. After all, how can we not know what makes us come alive?
Well, there is no cord to connect this idea of getting out of our resistance and into a Divine “knowingness,” but what I can say is, no amount of planning will ever deliver the kind of results that “just doing it” will.
Particularly insightful and very well stated, my friend. Continue to be with the ambiguity, and I promise to my Self to do the same.
Thanks Kevin!