There are many reasons why you should not perceive yourself through others’ eyes. First, you could be wrong. How do you know what another thinks of you anyway? What if what you think they are thinking about you is totally wrong and you go about feeling uncomfortable around them for no reason at all? Second, when you are worrying about what another is thinking about you, you are not allowing yourself to be truly you. If you seek acceptance (and most of us do), you quickly learn how to conform. This completely inhibits your individuality and your authentic self from shining through. Third, there is never a need to justify yourself. Never. And we all tend to justify ourselves in order to defend our actions. Why do we do this? Because it makes us feel safe. It makes us feel that what we did was okay when we can explain why. This is all fear based behavior. And there really is no need for it.
The ego is always tricking us into believing that we are separate from everyone else, and that there is no safety in vulnerability. When, in actuality, it is vulnerability that links us all together. It is vulnerability that makes it safe for others to open up to us, to connect without fear of judgement, ridicule, and rejection. So stop worrying about how others perceive you and instead think of how your honesty and authenticity might give another person the permission and confidence they need to shine.
Here is another thing to keep in mind:
Sometimes, you must disappoint. To not care what others think, you also have to not care if you disappoint them. This also means let them down, piss them off, and even make them think less of you. You’ve got to learn not to fucking care. I specifically used the F word just there, because I always get conscientious around others when using swear words. I want to be as polite and respectful as possible, yet to most effectively write this blog, and to be honest with myself and my readers, I felt it was important to illustrate a point. If I never use a word because I don’t want to offend anyone, am I really being honest with myself? Instead of being so concerned about how you are being perceived through others’ eyes, put more emphasis on true self-expression and ask yourself whether you are jeopardizing your truth just in order to conform.